Days go by..

I know it's been a while since I've last updated so here it is..
It's been rough living here.. so rough. I was babysitting for a while, until the girl I babysat for hurt her knee. So, she's not working. I've now been without money for almost a month and it sucks so bad. But.. recently.. today.. I got a job! I'm going to be working at Lowe's as a cashier! =) I'm so excited to have the opportunity to work for such an amazing and huge company like Lowe's! I'll update about that when I've been there for a while!
Last month, on the 8th, was the year passing. She's been gone for a whole year. Now, it's been almost a year and 2 months. It's so crazy how the days go by so fast. I have a special table in my living room where I have my mom's urn, some vanilla scented candles (her favorite), a picture of her and a beautiful angel figurine (the angel is the mother and there is a little girl holding her mother's hands, very appropriate for my situation). It's pictured above. Isn't her urn absolutely beautiful? Navy blue with doves. It stuck to me right when I walked into the crematory.
So, I've recently been introduced to the Twilight series.. Wow, it's amazing. I've only read the first book so far and searching for the New Moon book. I could buy it but I do want to save some money before I do.. BUT I CAN'T WAIT!! lol There was a preview of New Moon in the first book.. It was the first chapter and I shouldn't have read it now that I know I have to wait before I read it. I am officially addicted. Obsessed too. Edward is not as "hot" as the girls say. He's not physically attractive, but, as my sister in law said, his romantic tendencies tend to draw you in. I'm sure he says that too. He draws you in.. and he's the sweetest man to Bella. I'm excited to find out what happens in New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn books!!!!!!!!!
Well, it's time for me to head to bed. I haven't been to bed this early (yes, 1am.) in a looooong time. I just haven't been able to sleep as good as I'd like. So, here goes a try!! lol Goodnight all.
I love you!

Update!

I've moved!
I now live in Sweet Springs, Missouri!
I also have a new phone number:
660.202.7602.
It feels good to be home. Home is where my heart is.. and home for me, is here, with my daddy. There's been a whole lot of change goin' on for me. First, well.. I moved. I moved because Portland/Vancouver, didn't feel like home to me. It was just a place for me to try to become more adult. Try to get over my mom's passing. Well, it didn't quite work out that way. Though I am thankful for my Aunt & Uncle's generosity, it wasn't what I had planned for my life. Oregon and Washington make a great vacation spot for me, but not for living purposes.
Here, I feel more at home. My dad is here, I can be who I am. I don't have to worry about what I say or how I act.. Not saying I couldn't do that when I lived with my Aunt Sandy, but.. I didn't feel as comfortable as I do here.. Of course.. I'm living with my dad.. Although, I have the whole upstairs to myself. It's very comforting because, if I want to invite friends over, I can.. We won't be in my dad or Robin's way. I still can't wait until I find a job, save money and get into my own apartment, but.. I think it will be a while before my own apartment happens.. just because, I want to go back to school! I'm so excited for this. This is the biggest thing I've wanted.. going back to school! I plan on majoring in PHOTOGRAPHY. I want to know everything about it! I'm sure right now, I know absolutely nothing! I must thank Sierra & Brit though.. They made me realize that photography is a WONDERFUL thing. Just capturing something that may never happen again, is amazing. It makes everything worth while.
Well, this was just a small update on how I've been.. I haven't done this in a while so I figured I would get a few things off my shoulder. I have so much more but, my eyes won't stay open for that long. Maybe tomorrow.
OH YEAH. My birthday is.. well, TOMORROW! I'm so stoked. I'll be 25. Whooooo!

Love you all.

Lollie.

Six months and counting..

So, yesterday was the six month "anniversary." I don't think it should be an anniversary.. Anniversary's are supposed to be good and this isn't good. Its really hard.. as you can imagine. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has it hard. I can't imagine being in James & Holly's position, they found out that they are having another baby. That baby will not have a grandmother. Both are gone. Holly's mom passed away when she was 14. Mom just passed away. I hope Kilah will remember at least some of the time she had with her Grandma. It would be hard for her to remember her because she was only about 6 months or so when we saw her last.

So, I'm watching the Opening Ceremony for the Olympics and I tell you what.. it is ABSOLUTELY amazing!! The minds that the japenese/chinese/asian people have, is beyond anybody in America would have, that's for sure! We couldn't think of things like this stuff.. We'd use only technology. Tese people are using technogoly but mostly, their people! You should see it.. it you didn't watch it.. you are MISSING OUT. Ha.

Anyways.. I am going to bed now. I have been working like crazy! And, I have to work at 6 in the morning!! Eeek....

A new job and the round-a-bouts..

It feels great to finally have a job! Something I can be proud of! I'm not proud of my knees killing me though! It's just something I need to get used to.. I'll be fine in about a week or two.. For those of you who don't know, I'm working for Ace Parking at the Portland Airport. I help people get a taxi and reserve cars. It's a lot of fun! It is amazing.

So, other than that.. my life is going okay right now.. Missing mom so much. I talked to Brenda a couple days ago and she thought it had only been 3 months.. 4 months, almost 5. Bad, huh? It sucks so bad and I want her back but I know she's in the best place she could be. Not that it helps my heart any.

Anything new with anybody? What else do you want to know about me? haha.

Love you guys.

Catching Up..

So, I haven't been on here a lot.. and, Brittany keeps asking when I'm going to post a new blog.. So, here it is Brittany!

I'm getting to the point where I hate not having a job.. I hate not having money, I hate sitting home and doing nothing all day. That's what I do and it sucks.. Horribly. Don't get me wrong, I clean up the house but... it doesn't take long because we keep it pretty much clean throughout the day and stuff like that.. but, it just sucks.

I'm totally excited to see my best friend, Amanda, tomorrow! I'm flying out tomorrow afternoon and then won't be back until Monday night.. All this time, I'm spending with her! Like she said on her myspace page: "It's been 3 years and there's been a divorce, two children and one tragic loss and it's well overdue." I am very excited to see her 2 children.. Alanna & Carter. I've never met them but I sent a lot of stuff to Amanda when Alanna was born.. lol I just cant wait.

There are a lot of times when I think that I'm not going to be able to go on anymore.. How am I living without her.. and Why?! I'm just.. overwhelmed and I just want my mom back. I'm like a lost child who wants her Mommy. Yeah, that's me. I'm lost. Where am I? Oh, yes.. I'm in Vancouver, Washington.. with no job. No friends, besides family.. and.. tons of friends in every other part of the United States EXCEPT here.. What am I doing? I have no idea.

Well, that's all I'm gonna give you today.. I will have a bunch more by Monday night or Tuesday after I get home from California!
I love you guys!

My First Mother's Day....

Without my mom.
You know how much you appreciate your mom when, on Mother's Day, you cry all day because she's not here to say "Happy Mother's Day, Mom.. I LOVE YOU." It sucks.. Really bad. It's been a very hard day.. I've had a few bad Mother's Days since I lost my babies.. but, this one was the hardest that I've ever had. I did kiss her urn.. twice to be exact. I should start doing that on a daily basis.. It would be like I'm kissing her, but only twice as hard and twice as cold as her actual lips. Yep, that was a funny.. or, a try at one.
What did you do for your Mother today? You should cherish every day with your Mom.. but today is HER day.. You should have done something special, because it's not a guarantee that you'll have one with her next year.
I love all of you.. Thank you for those who though of me today and prayed for me. I appreciate it more than you know.

The last few days..

have been absolutely horrible! my depression has gotten to me, due to the third month of my mom's death and then mother's day, right around the corner. How could I be happy at a time like this? Somewhere in the midst of all that, I got a job.. which I should be excited for, but I'm really not. I like it, but I'm just not in the mood to be happy. There's even this boy.. He tries his best to make me happy when I'm down, and it doesn't help. I'm sorry, Tyler.
I'm hoping it gets better within the next few days. I don't want people at my job to think I'm a lame, boring person who fakes a smile when she's on the phones. I do want to thank Brit for being there for me.. Even if I call while she's spending time with her baby, she takes time from him to listen to me cry.. even when she can't understand what i'm saying. Thank you, for having patience, BEING there, needing me and being the best friend a girl could ever ask for! You've showed your friendship in the times I've needed you.