Catching Up..

So, I haven't been on here a lot.. and, Brittany keeps asking when I'm going to post a new blog.. So, here it is Brittany!

I'm getting to the point where I hate not having a job.. I hate not having money, I hate sitting home and doing nothing all day. That's what I do and it sucks.. Horribly. Don't get me wrong, I clean up the house but... it doesn't take long because we keep it pretty much clean throughout the day and stuff like that.. but, it just sucks.

I'm totally excited to see my best friend, Amanda, tomorrow! I'm flying out tomorrow afternoon and then won't be back until Monday night.. All this time, I'm spending with her! Like she said on her myspace page: "It's been 3 years and there's been a divorce, two children and one tragic loss and it's well overdue." I am very excited to see her 2 children.. Alanna & Carter. I've never met them but I sent a lot of stuff to Amanda when Alanna was born.. lol I just cant wait.

There are a lot of times when I think that I'm not going to be able to go on anymore.. How am I living without her.. and Why?! I'm just.. overwhelmed and I just want my mom back. I'm like a lost child who wants her Mommy. Yeah, that's me. I'm lost. Where am I? Oh, yes.. I'm in Vancouver, Washington.. with no job. No friends, besides family.. and.. tons of friends in every other part of the United States EXCEPT here.. What am I doing? I have no idea.

Well, that's all I'm gonna give you today.. I will have a bunch more by Monday night or Tuesday after I get home from California!
I love you guys!

My First Mother's Day....

Without my mom.
You know how much you appreciate your mom when, on Mother's Day, you cry all day because she's not here to say "Happy Mother's Day, Mom.. I LOVE YOU." It sucks.. Really bad. It's been a very hard day.. I've had a few bad Mother's Days since I lost my babies.. but, this one was the hardest that I've ever had. I did kiss her urn.. twice to be exact. I should start doing that on a daily basis.. It would be like I'm kissing her, but only twice as hard and twice as cold as her actual lips. Yep, that was a funny.. or, a try at one.
What did you do for your Mother today? You should cherish every day with your Mom.. but today is HER day.. You should have done something special, because it's not a guarantee that you'll have one with her next year.
I love all of you.. Thank you for those who though of me today and prayed for me. I appreciate it more than you know.

The last few days..

have been absolutely horrible! my depression has gotten to me, due to the third month of my mom's death and then mother's day, right around the corner. How could I be happy at a time like this? Somewhere in the midst of all that, I got a job.. which I should be excited for, but I'm really not. I like it, but I'm just not in the mood to be happy. There's even this boy.. He tries his best to make me happy when I'm down, and it doesn't help. I'm sorry, Tyler.
I'm hoping it gets better within the next few days. I don't want people at my job to think I'm a lame, boring person who fakes a smile when she's on the phones. I do want to thank Brit for being there for me.. Even if I call while she's spending time with her baby, she takes time from him to listen to me cry.. even when she can't understand what i'm saying. Thank you, for having patience, BEING there, needing me and being the best friend a girl could ever ask for! You've showed your friendship in the times I've needed you.

My Life

Wow.. Things have changed.
My life is a blur right now.. I got a job, I am not going to like it but I have one and that's all I can say at this point. Yay. (that was sarcastic.)
So, there's a boy.. and, I kinda like him.. Wish me luck. haha
So, I love this girl.. she's my best friend.. her name is Brittany Plumley.. Soon to be Brittany Race. Isn't that awesome? I'm so glad she's happy!